Remote work conundrum: Battling cabin fever while thriving

I absolutely LOVE working remotely. The flexibility has allowed me to thrive in my career while reshaping how I approach life.

That said, after 4 years of this remote arrangement, I can’t shake that there are moments where I find myself feeling isolated.

Now, the feeling of isolation isn’t solely due to working remotely. If anything, my conversations with fellow moms highlight that it's a shared experience in western culture. Just this week alone, 3 moms at varying chapters of their lives echoed similar sentiments: a seasoned executive with grown children, an early in career professional taking on corporate ambitions and rambunctious youngsters, and a stay-at-home mom in the thick of it. Their stories tell me this feeling stems from a blend of societal pressures we face as we juggle career and parenthood. Perhaps our individualism and strive for performative productivity can hinder our ability to cultivate deep human connections.

But the work arrangement certainly exasperates it. And while I can’t tackle all cultural challenges in one post, I can share some invaluable lessons and strategies I’ve seen other remote-working parents apply — strategies I’ll be trying out myself.

Break the monotony with a change of scenery

Staying in the same environment too long can lead to cabin fever. To combat this, a colleague of mine decided to shake things up by working a couple of days a week at a lively coffee shop near her home, armed with headphones and a virtual background for video calls. While she misses her extra monitors, she finds the energy she gains from being surrounded by people invigorating. For quieter workdays, a library may be an alternative solution.

Another colleague spends one day each week on a nearby college campus, occasionally joining classes that pique her interest, satisfying both her intellectual curiosity and need for community.

Interestingly, both of these colleagues have found their solutions so helpful, they’ve incorporated these changes into their regular weekly routines. As for me, I occasionally move my workspace to a different part of the house. It’s not quite the same, but it helps.

Cultivating connections by building a community

Thanks to technology, we can recreate the camaraderie of an office virtually. Take the executive I mentioned earlier — she stays connected with past colleagues and friends she’s felt especially keen to, through a WhatsApp group. She finds the informal platform fosters a more intimate connection than mandated corporate tools, encouraging honest vulnerability, and friendship banter.

Additionally, she meets someone for an in-person coffee once a week. She finds it provides a refreshing break from solitude and strengthens new bonds. While this may not be a realistic solution for those on geographically disbursed teams, it highlights how empowered we are as remote workers to shape who we send in-person time with and what our community looks like, instead of feeling obligated to participate in the water-cooler culture our in-office counterparts must partake in.

Now, if you find reaching out and making a friend to be daunting, consider the research that suggests we increasingly hesitate to reach out because we tend to overestimate the risks. Yet, more often than not, when we do make that effort, research finds that the risk we assumed wasn’t as bad as we thought it would be and that both participants found the connection rewarding. Perhaps this tells us that others are also eager to connect, especially those facing similar remote work challenges. And perhaps these casual meetups can lead to meaningful friendships and alleviate feelings of isolation.

Setting boundaries is core to balancing work and family

While remote work offers flexibility, it also presents unique challenges in how we balance all the aspects of life competing for our attention.

A talk I heard Mel Robbins share, articulated this well. She advises that we focus on setting boundaries as a way of creating room for all the things that makes sense to our lives. And explained that this is more important framing than focusing on ‘balance’ which puts you in a more comparative stressful multi-tasking gray zone.

Setting time for work vs non-work, can also help set appropriate expectations with colleagues and loved ones on when you can be fully present. This is a real big challenge any working parent can tell you — working at home can quickly create an environment where we feel the need to always be on, and naturally increases the number of opportunities we have to say ‘no’ to our loved ones. In both cases, this leaves us feeling crummy, distracted, and resentful. By defining specific working hours and maintaining a consistent routine for logging off, we create focused work periods and reduce feelings of resentment.

Tame your mom guilt

For me, one of the greatest perks of remote work is the flexibility it provides. Gone are the days of me rushing to drop off kids at before-school care just to make it to the office on time. Now, I can drop my kids off at school and seamlessly transition into my workday, often joining my next meeting within minutes of drop off. This newfound flexibility not only reduces stress and childcare expenses, but also allows me to spend more quality time with my family.

That said, gaining more time for my family has not translated to more time for me or my social relationships. In fact, I still struggle justifying carving out time for myself and my friendships. That’s why coming across a study about working moms actually spending more time with their children than stay-at-home moms (or parents) of past generations gave me pause. You can read more about it here.

So next time you or I worry about taking a moment for yourself or friend, remember kids seeing you as a fulfilled and thriving women is a healthy way to challenge stereotypes as we work toward a more equitable future for ourselves and future generations.

Recap

Remote work is a transformative experience, offering unparalleled flexibility and opportunities for personal and professional growth. By finding balance against the solitude, we can enjoy the benefits of flexibility while staying connected and productive.

And if on cue, today I heard Alicia Key’s song, Girl on Fire, playing on the radio-

“…they can see the flame that’s in her eyes
Watch her as she’s lighting up the night
Nobody knows that she’s a lonely girl
And it’s a lonely world…”